i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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