Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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