oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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