he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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