well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize