His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
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She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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