I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
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I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
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He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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