Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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