The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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