This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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