mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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