is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize