She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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