Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have fence marks all over my body
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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