in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
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Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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