I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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