Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
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The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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