this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize