There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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