I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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