new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Even my vagina gasped.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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