Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize