Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize