The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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