Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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