goodnight i made you a song goodbye
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize