I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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