apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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