You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
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How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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