I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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