she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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