dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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