I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize