This is not my ceiling
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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