this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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