Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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