I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
even my farts smell like vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize