Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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