i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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