she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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