in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
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I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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