I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
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The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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