the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
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He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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