Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.

(734): View more from Michigan

What'd you do?

(313): View more from Michigan

Its more like what im about to do.

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(313): I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight. (734): What'd you do? (313): Its more like what im about to do. http://tfl.nu/2yqx

Replies (6) Good night (3525) Bad night (553)
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(513): View more from Ohio

The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?

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(513): The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU? http://tfl.nu/gpmz

Replies (8) Good night (429) Bad night (3177) Order T-Shirt
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(845): View more from New York

Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.

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(845): Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka. http://tfl.nu/zb0y

Replies (10) Good night (5738) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
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(806): View more from Texas

You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."

(1-806): View more from Texas

Best pick-up line ever!

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(806): You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck." (1-806): Best pick-up line ever! http://tfl.nu/plrf

Replies (35) Good night (9563) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
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(941): View more from Florida

I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.

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(941): I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch. http://tfl.nu/0s5t

Replies (16) Good night (2858) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?

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(580): I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight? http://tfl.nu/jndw

Replies (1) Good night (2079) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
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(512): View more from Texas

We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.

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(512): We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots. http://tfl.nu/ta1s

Replies (10) Good night (1148) Bad night (1609) Order T-Shirt
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(330): View more from Ohio

Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?

(614): View more from Ohio

I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?

(330): View more from Ohio

I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.

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(330): Want me to give your number to an army recruiter? (614): I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist? (330): I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us. http://tfl.nu/ti2n

Replies (6) Good night (3286) Bad night (549)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%

(405): View more from Oklahoma

And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.

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(405): Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10% (405): And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar. http://tfl.nu/4y72

Replies (10) Good night (2180) Bad night (545)
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(646): View more from New York

Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel

(773): View more from Illinois

Only the gays

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(646): Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel (773): Only the gays http://tfl.nu/jfsv

Replies (7) Good night (771) Bad night (1158)
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(916): View more from California

I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?

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(916): I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die? http://tfl.nu/yj8c

Replies (11) Good night (1316) Bad night (348)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.

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(717): Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself. http://tfl.nu/4nxp

Replies (10) Good night (1938) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.

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(+44): She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina. http://tfl.nu/51hz

Replies (14) Good night (2137) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
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(562): View more from California

When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.

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(562): When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much. http://tfl.nu/3gvt

Replies (4) Good night (634) Bad night (259) Order T-Shirt
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(510): View more from California

Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.

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(510): Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day. http://tfl.nu/eul1

Replies (2) Good night (277) Bad night (165) Order T-Shirt

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