I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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