my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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