i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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