we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize