I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
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Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
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Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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