mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize